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Going deeper – on the self, novelty and change

Anita Cassidy

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I recently read a wonderful article by Steve Pavlina. It is here.

The article talks about how the changes we can make, especially when it comes to relationships, can lead to us rushing about, making new connections, ticking off new experiences and, all too often, getting burnt out or jaded. This is certainly something I witness a lot when people begin exploring the kink / BDSM scene as well as non-monogamy. It’s really common and absolutely valid – we even have names for it like “sub frenzy”. It’s natural to be excited when we have discovered something new and the associated energy of this discovery can be very powerful across all areas of our lives. It is also easy to get swept up with the novelty and get caught up with chasing new experiences or people, perhaps to the detriment of other aspects of our life. This kind of shallow approach to the experiences we share with others can be problematic over the long term. It is also unlikely to feel fully satisfying even as, at the same time, it serves our needs for drama, distraction and novelty.

What I have taken from this article is very personal to me. It is, in essence, about the need to go deeper, about digging deep inside and seeing the degree to which even positive change and experiences can become another way to distract ourselves, to avoid really taking a look at and feeling through our anger, our rage and our pain.

It might be more difficult but we can also choose to go deeper into a few core connections or activities, see what riches can be found once we dig a little harder, take a little more time and a little more care.

Feedback from my editor, from my own life and body is telling me, over and over, in a chorus now so clamouring that even I can no longer ignore it, that I need to get deeper into my writing and my words. As well as into myself.

I need to focus. I need to find the core of what it is that I am doing and to work, and act, more carefully with that as my touchstone.

I can see that this is the crucial next step on my own journey along a path to a more conscious and intentional relationship with myself as well as with my family, partners, friends as well as work and leisure.

Going deeper is how I am being asked to make my life even more extraordinary

Looking deeper, being more still and reflecting beyond the instant and the new and shiny, is not something that comes easily to any of us, least of all me. I am going to have to work hard to write and think more slowly, more carefully, I am going to have to work hard to read more mindfully, breathe more deeply and rest with more stillness. I am going to have to work very hard to not get distracted from the challenges within core relationships by the new, the shiny, the novel. It is work I know I must do.

What does this mean to you? This might mean longer delays in between pieces, longer delays in my reaching out to the wider world. It means I will sit more, walk more, reflect more carefully, not take the first answer that I give myself.

I am still here, I am just going deeper within. I will, of course, let you know what I find.

 

Anita

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