It has been seven years since ‘Appetite’ was published.
I am all of them. David, Matthew, Naomi. They are all shards of my self. Sometimes they fit neatly together and sometimes one of them catches against my skin and slices clean through.
Writing the book was part of finding my voice. That voice has, over time and over words written, become louder, prouder, more insistent. It’s becoming a shout now. As I approach 50, I can see why the world tries so hard to concentrate power and attention on women under 30. It’s so much easier to quiet someone who has not yet learned to speak for themselves. It’s also easy to keep rewarding women for being quiet, being small: for being ‘good’.
I’ve been told that I have had ‘enough’ orgasms, that I should eat less, eat more carefully, be thinner, be quieter, be less bi, be less full stop. So many of the people in my life have tried to shrink me down and shut me up.
Luckily, I have also had lots of people in my life who have encouraged me to speak up, take up more space, feel more, be more. Thank you – you know who you are.
Female appetite – for change, for food, for sex – continues to disconcert, frighten and enrage.
I feel so proud of, and impressed by, the parenting and inner work which has led to younger generations being so much more able to speak up for themselves, so much more confident in being themselves whatever that looks and sounds like.
I feel my own repressed rage now. Rage at the bullying I was on the receiving end of, rage at an emotionally careless family life and rage at myself for ignoring my needs for as long as I did. This anger needs to be held carefully, consciously. It’s not about spraying it out, scattergun, in a blind fury but, instead, about wielding it carefully to fuel action and create change.
Seven years on, I’m learning the power of writing as a multi-purpose tool for self-knowledge and growth. It’s a microphone for adding volume and ‘carry’ to the voices of those who are less powerful and privileged than me. It’s a container for unique forces within the self: our desires and needs, our hopes and dreams. By being fully ourselves, honestly and loudly, with compassion and consideration, and by supporting and enabling others to be the same, we can change the world.
Female anger has changed the world for the better. It will continue to do so in spite of, and perhaps because of, just how hard we are pushed back and down.
Read the first three chapters of Appetite here
Buy a copy of an e-book or paperback here
Get in touch with your name, address and any message you’d like including at anita.cassidy@alethya.com if you’d like a signed copy of the book for £10 incl p & p to the UK
