So, the latest and last of the Fifty Shades films came out this week. Cue the clamour of rightful dismay and anger from both the BDSM as well as conscious relationship community about the terrible terrible TERRIBLE way in which it tries to portray both kink as well as humans relating to each other.
Rather than add too much to the clamour I will say that it is absolutely key, when exploring kink, as well trying to get better at relating to people, to talk to actual people who are actually succeeding at engaging with kink and relationships well (or at least well enough) as well as being on the path of growth, i.e. come along to a conscious relationships community social!
The films could be helpful perhaps as a how-not-to guide? “Is this how Christian and/or Anna behaves?” could be a helpful relationship and kink question-prompt along similar lines to What Would Jesus Do? If they do it then likely the opposite behaviour is an excellent idea… 🙂
This articulate and insightful as well as funny review deserves quoting at length… the link to the full piece is here.
“When she has a moment of crisis, he petulantly storms off and gets drunk with a former mistress. When she does even the slightest thing to anger him, he gives her the silent treatment and ignores her.
What’s worse, the film plays all of this off as if it’s perfectly normal. As if it’s acceptable behavior. Yes, Anastasia gets frustrated and they fight about it, but she also giggles resignedly when he calls her six times while she’s out with a friend despite the fact that he knows both where she is and who she’s with. This is all the more stupefying because you can tell that James, that blank-eyed lackwit of a writer, thinks that his personality is somehow tied into his BDSM desires, as if being interested in a different variant of sexual appetite is the result of being a domineering shitbird. Except it’s not. That’s not how this works, EL James, you dumb motherfucker. Being into BDSM is a perfectly acceptable sexual choice, provided that, as always, you have two willing partners. But being matched with a man who has no respect for personal, professional, or emotional boundaries isn’t a reflection of that sexuality. Seething, irrational jealousy isn’t a charming personality quirk. It’s just being an awful person.“
I propose Alethya organise a film night where we all watch and talk about and learn what not to do from these movies! Who is game? 😉
