The wound hurts most when it’s healing.
Thoughts on healing.
See clearly
Create space and time to look really hard and really close at what you did and be honest about whether those actions were aligned with your intentions.
Write, draw, scribble things down. Make marks – make those actions visible in front of you. Be brutally honest with yourself. Notice the pain and discomfort that this brings and then do it all over again. But look even closer this time.
Listen to yourself as well as others
What is that inner voice, your honest internal wisdom, whispering of? What have you been trying to tune out for too long? Pay attention to that voice. That is life calling to you.
Speak to a trusted friend. Ask what they can see from the outside of the situation. Perhaps share with them what that inner voice has been saying – see what they make of it.
Feel all the feelings
This means feeling sad, angry, resentful, disappointed, guilty, relieved, miserable, glad, melancholy and just plain old numb.
It means feeling as much as you can, as often as you can, over time. This can be a lengthy process and it’s not linear. You will feel better then you will feel worse. This may continue for some time. That is okay.
Understand /acknowledge what you did wrong or the hurts you caused
Say them out loud, write them down. Be brutally honest with what you fucked up and why. This is not about judgement: set that aside as it serves no purpose here. It’s about truly seeing your past behaviour for what it was in the clear, liquid light of day.
Integrate and make different choices / choose different actions
If you find yourself slipping back into those familiar tracks, those well-worn behavioural grooves, pause and take a step back.
Carving new mental and physical tracks for your actions is slow going and take patience as well as persistence.
Make amends
If you can, then simply tell them you are sorry. Sorry I hurt you. Sorry it happened the way it did. Sorry.
And if you can’t say it then write it down and keep it somewhere safe.
If there are payments to be made in terms of money, kindness or other actions then make them if you can. If others have been caught up, apologise to them too.
